Empty Nest and Letting Go

Home and Marriage

written in the winter of 2014

My talk was to be about the redeeming love from the issue of “letting go”; BUT,” “writing the end first” creating expectations far beyond the moment is also the issue.

The past 3 years have been my “letting go” moments in time and circumstance of life.  In marriage, Brian and I have counseled with the Father, and friends, and attended a Love and Respect conference, because we were losing touch with reality and each other.   We knew love well, but respect was another subject all together.  We had not had problems or issues for 15 years!  And, then, all of a sudden…OH, wait! Not all of a sudden.  It has all been building up little by little without recognition, and in denial; we were both holding it in and thinking each little thing would just go away.  Love and Respect cannot be apart.  As we became aware and listened carefully, we re-introduced ourselves to each other….and guess what?! We were the same people in love, only with maturity and wisdom, and that was our hang up.  Neither of us wrong, just different.

And, actually, there were many other lessons that were lightning striking me outside the family at this time also (probably because I was seeing that my issues were deeper than I expected and I was seeing them everywhere I turned).  Respect is reverence, esteem, awe, consideration.   Love is passion, devotion, treasure, appreciation.  The two blend, fuse, balance, unite and link.  Brian said to me, “do you know why opposites attract? It is because if they were the same, one would not be needed.”

The book, One Thousand Gifts was a true learning journey for me this year.  A friend saw through me, recognizing the look of transition, and gave me the book last year at our winter family weekend.  At a time when I had the marriage thing figured out, and action beginning to show blooms again for both of us, I had met my match with my kids.  I had learned so much about my kids through our walk with marriage healing, and BAM! I saw my kids grown up.  It was my “who am I now, and what role do I play now?” moment. (Oh what turmoil I was causing with control)   It hurt to have to say, “Hey they can stand without me”, and “they can do that without my input”.  I had had this coming to me for quite some time, because it was showing itself all over the place and I was not listening, and was part of what made issues in the marriage.  It was all intertwined.  But, I listened.  And, I began to listen to them, the now young lady and man.  They have been teaching me right back what I had instilled in them.  MY great Father is in charge of their lives now, and I am here to facilitate.  My role is changed, and the way it should be, no matter how I don’t want it to be sometimes.

Kids of all ages can handle, make amends, and peace with life’s circumstances and tragedies, better than we can. WHY? They have the mental capacity and time for it; they do not have time constraints, obligations, and distractions as we do that take our minds in all directions at once.  They live in the moments and move on.  (we don’t normally)It takes time for us to sort it all out.

“In life, you will encounter very tough times, but you can find strength in our God.  If there is something missing in your life, seek the Lord Jesus.  If you once had him in your life and now he seems far away, guess who moved? He is still there. He loves you with unconditional Love.  Through obedience to Him all commandments will endure.” (this a quote from the story, The Vow, a story everyone should read).

“Taking effort to grasp and learn to “let go” now is better than in the middle of catastrophe.”  Quoted from my massage therapist

From the book, Lessons from a Lighthouse (journals of a lighthouse keeper), there is a chapter that describes a mother sea turtle.   She digs a hole, places the eggs, covers them and leaves. Whereas her initial journey onto the beach seemed to be one of a weary struggle, the return trip seemed nimble and swift.   It looks as if a great burden had been lifted from her.

I PETER 5:7 says, ‘casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.’

I look at the burdens that I carry; they seem to weigh me down in much the same way the eggs of the sea turtle were a burden to that mother.  I am not saying leave your kids on the beach, or your friends, or husband, but the next time you’re feeling as if you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, make a trip to the beach of God, lay the eggs of worry and care, and just like that mother sea turtle, just leave them there. I am finding that this is working, if I do it.

So many times I face my storms, financial difficulty, relationship problems, occupational problems, and so the list goes.  I weather them…..BUT some grip me in fear, and I panic (YES< me of all people) I wonder if I will ever make it through….then, “COME near to me” the voice says, “Listen to me, it will be ok.”

The lighthouse is the only structure worthy enough to keep the lighthouse keeper safe in a full hurricane. *Do you see where you are? IN THE LIGHT.   OH, how many times fear and stress has engulfed me (unknowingly) while I told other to go to the lighthouse, only to realize later that I needed to go there also.  The light is not only useful in sending a message to others; it was for my safety and security also.  HE, the Father, Jesus Messiah, is the only structure to still be standing after the storm has passed.

Let your faith be bigger than your fearsI have, in my life, gone face to face with a demon or two and called them out in the name and authority of Jesus, I have been near death in many physical situations, lost all I have to fire, helped others in all of these situations, and the list numbers. I have never had fear in all those as I have felt when I have fought myself, and denied that which I sought to control and carry on my own.  This is the only thing that has broken my mind, body, and soul, literally, to a point where I had to completely rely on the Father, ask for help, and RECEIVE that which he had prepared for me.  The receiving end is where the greatest growth occurs.  The giving end is where the blessings occur.

I now go to the light in the moments.  My relationship with my husband and kids has been exciting again. My relationship with friends has bloomed again.  I call the small disturbances CHALLENGES.

I do not think that my “letting go” issues are over yet, but my fear of them is gone.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 says,
Though the cherry trees don’t blossom
and the strawberries don’t ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten
and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless
and the cattle barns empty,
I’m singing joyful praise to GOD.
I’m turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on GOD’s Rule to prevail,
I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
I feel like I’m king of the mountain.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (ESV)

Romans 15:13 ESV May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Psalm 4:8 ESV In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

This story is not about me, my testament.  It is about the testament of Jesus and the Father in my life, the testament of others’ lives in mine, the testament of a greater life than I could ever imagine, or have ever done in my own control.